The Sexcapades of Hospital-Goers
by pickled.pughead
Summary: Forks can be pretty boring with the same people as Maternity Nurse Rachel Lahote knows all too well. Follow Nurses Rachel and Sue,and rlisle and Renesmee as they and their guest doctors from the East Coast navigate the hospital's highly inappropriate patients and visitors of all ages. Numerous OCs, canon couples.


FYI: **I don't own Twilight, it's still Mrs. Meyer's intellectual property**.

Also, K is both an empath and clairvoyant like Alice and Jazz, but for her clairvoyance is hereditary, Juliana can read minds like Edward,Jamie and Zora are identical twins who inherited their mother's clairvoyance. Cate is like a female Carlisle, her gift is extensive medical knowledge in a number of fields. In this fic Nessie and Jake are married and she's an attending like Carlisle. Rachel and Paul are also married.

Just to recap:

East Coast Drs are as follows in order of age: Dr. Catherine Townsend: OB/GYN Yale Medical School; Dr. Kristen Perry: Neurologist/Neurosurgeon Cornell Medical School; Dr. Juliana Williamson: OB/GYN Columbia Medical School; Dr. Jamie Diaz: Anesthesiologist/Medical Social Worker Johns Hopkins School of Medicine; Dr. Zora Ansel: General Surgeon Kings College School of Medicine in London, England

West Coast Staff are as follows in order of age: Dr. Carlisle Cullen:General Surgeon University of Alaska Medical School; Sue Clearwater: UW School of Nursing; Reg. Labor and Delivery Nurse Rachel Lahote: UW School of Nursing; Dr. Renesmee Black: Stanford University School of Medicine

Now let's welcome the East-Coasters out west with a nice wake up call.

_** An**** Introduction to the First Escapade**_

Forks' General Hospital never bored Rachel Lahote. It just made her impatient, especially on days when Sue, Ness, and Carlisle weren't working. Days like those left her with only unknowing people to talk to. She couldn't talk about her insane conception issues, vent to either of the other women about the struggles of living with a shifter, or even just eat really good food without the effort of preparing it herself. Thankfully today was due to be quite the entertaining day for all since there were five guest doctors arriving from the East Coast, for an indeterminate period of time.

"Hey," Rachel said glancing out the window of Ness' SUV, "is that her truck?"

"It is definitely her truck," Ness grinned. "I hope she remembered our agreement."

"How is that fair to her?"Sue asked tying her long hair up in a ponytail.

"It's really not but she's sweet so she did it anyway, according to Alice," Renesmee answered putting the car into park next to her grandfather's Mercedes.

"Are you telling me you honestly can't smell it from here?" a thick syrupy voice asked from the truck to her right. Rachel knew the voice making her glance out the window for confirmation. A tiny black woman with long hair she wore in a braid stood on the curb holding a basket of hot baked goods and a handbag. She wore a blouse, pencil skirt, and heels. A blond of the same size stood next to her with a similar handbag and a tray of four coffees. When Carlisle approached the pair she smiled and offered him a cup.

"Thank you Juliana. This was very considerate of you," he squeezed her waist affectionately as the others approached. A taller woman with blond-brown kinks offered Sue and Rachel coffee. "I hope I got that right," she said as they took pastries from her mother. "It's perfect doll. Thank you. You know the other surgeons aren't going to take too kindly to you giving certain people free coffee," Sue laughed as they approached the doors of the hospital while the sun rose.

"We know you, we don't know them," Jamie said simply taking a bite of a blueberry muffin.

"Can you tell me right now, when to expect Noelle please?"Rachel asked as they approached the registration desk.

"You should expect her around 11 a.m. or so. She's a bit drunk and she's still drinking as we speak. She'll be sober by ten forty-five and Perez needs her on the rotation because someone has been covering too many shifts without being asked," K said with a pointed glance at Ness.

"When you leave Rach and I are coming with you remember?" she said in defense.

"True but that doesn't mean you should fuck up your sleep cycle so someone else can spend a day watching movies with their boyfriend and cat. That's what off days are for," Jamie said.

"If you two are done with the head to head, you have things on the board, and the OR is no place for petty debates," K said dropping the basket on the desk with a sticky note: _If you're on time, take one_.

"What are you off to do?"Carlisle asked.

"I'm headed to a neonatal consult which is highly interesting but no fun at this time of day. The parents would feel much better if it were later," K shrugged following Cate and Juliana toward their domain Labor and Delivery. Sue followed Zora and Carlisle to the ER as Rachel booted up the computer and settled her things carefully taking a bite of her apple Danish. She sipped her caramel cappuccino as a frazzled Ms. Cope approached the desk.

"How can I help you today Ms. Cope?"Rachel preemptively pushed her breakfast further toward the filing area of the desk.

"I need to see a gynecologist," she whispered leaning over the desk so far that Rachel could clearly see her bra.

"Ok, I'll see who's available," Rachel opened the schedule for the day finding that only Juliana was available. So she clicked her name and typed _Shelley Cope 6:21 a.m._. _Juliana, you've got a patient up here_, Rachel thought. "Ok, I'll page her now and she should be here in a moment," Rachel said pressing a button on the land phone. Juliana approached as Ms. Cope eyed Rachel's breakfast. "Good morning, Ms. Cope, I'm Juliana Williamson and I'll be helping you today," Juliana offered her hand to shake. Ms. Cope left her hands at her sides.

"You're a bit young to be a doctor aren't you dear?"

Juliana tried not to roll her eyes at the repetitiveness of the older woman's snide comment. "I'm only 26 but I graduated summa cum laude from Columbia's College of Physicians and Surgeons when I was twenty and I've worked with some of New York's finest, one of whom has had brief stints in the maternity ward here both before and after I finished my internship in Manhattan."

"Who?"

"Dr. Catherine Townsend," Juliana tried to muffle her impending sigh. Women envied her aunt's medical prowess and familial intimacy with her great uncle and often would talk of nothing else when Cate helped out in Forks. It made Ana feel awkward and the same of her little sisters.

"Oh, is she here also?"

"She's doing a neonatal consultation right now but yes. If you'll please follow me so that we can get started."

Rachel went back to her breakfast as Juliana walked away with Shelley Cope who'd begun yammering about the reformation of sex Ed. She considered herself lucky that she'd been educated on the reservation and therefore able to avoid the brunt of Mrs. Cope's loquaciousness for the most part.

_**Escapade One featuring Shelley, Greg, and Juliana**_

Shelley Cope took her sweet time following the younger woman's request. First she paused to ask Josephine Hamilton if she and her husband Nick were still trying to conceive. Josephine breathed deeply. "We're taking a break," she said simply. A bad move considering Ms. Cope had the second biggest mouth in town.

"Why dear?" Ms. Cope placed a hand on Josephine's forearm. "Is he wearing you out?" she stage-whispered.

Josephine shook her head and spoke smiling wryly, "I'm two months along with twins actually." Josephine turned to Juliana speaking in soft German, "Can we have lunch tomorrow?"

Juliana nodded and Josephine made her way towards registration again.

"Do you know Josephine Hamilton dear?"Ms. Cope asked, eyeing a buff anesthesiologist who stood speaking to a young girl who was clutching a stuffed cheetah.

"She's my patient and we attended the same undergrad," Juliana said.

"Oh really, you went to UW?"

"As I said before I attended Columbia Pre-Med. Josephine went to the school of Economics there and took a few classes with my husband, so we saw each other from time to time. If you'll please follow me I'll have a nurse take your vitals quickly so that we can get started."

As if the fates were conspiring against Juliana's attempts at order who else would appear at that moment but Karen Newton?

"Shelley? Are you getting a sonogram?"Mrs. Newton spoke normally not noticing Juliana's presence.

"No just a routine checkup. Did Melissa have her baby already?"

Karen grinned, "Summer appeared at 8:54 last night. Beth Crowley's supposed to be the godmother."

_I don't know why_, Karen thought.

"Aww that's just precious. Is it a family name?"

"It's Lizzie's middle name. She's quite the heavy little thing that baby."

"How much did she weigh?"

"Summer was four pounds and three ounces. They ought to have a doctor give her something to lose the weight," Karen clucked.

Juliana rolled her eyes, calling out to one of the nurses on the floor.

"Ashley, can you please take Ms. Cope's vitals?"

Ashley laughed approaching. "They'll never shut up if no one says anything," she whispered to Juliana as the older women continued criticizing the newborn.

"Ms. Cope if you two are finished criticizing someone else's newborn, Ashley would like to take your vitals. You did say that it was urgent," Juliana cut Karen off midsentence.

"Aren't you a nurse dear?"Mrs. Newton asked.

"No ma'am, I'm a doctor."

"Follow me please Ms. Cope. I'm going to do your height and weight first," Ashley led a reluctant Ms. Cope by the arm. Shelley Cope weighed approximately 148 pounds and stood at 5'2. Her blood pressure was normal. Ashley recorded it all and left Ms. Cope in the exam room. Juliana meanwhile had been called to the neonatal consult at Cate's insistence, leaving all alone. She glanced around the bland hospital room for a moment bored. Her boredom subsided quickly as she noticed Greg Berty the English teacher's son passing.

"Greg," she called, "Come keep me company." Greg complied and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

Ms. Cope smiled gratefully. "How have you been? Are you enjoying California?"

"California's beautiful," he said smiling.

"Are you home for the holidays yet? Your mother says you're taking quite the load for a senior."

"Well Mudd is a rigorous enjoyable institution. I'll be home for Thanksgiving on Tuesday."

Ms. Cope nodded, "Do you have paper? I want to see if I can solve a calculus problem."

Greg found a pencil and wide-ruled paper in his backpack. He quickly wrote out a problem and put it on the rotating table attached to Ms. Cope's bed.

The problem read,_ the amount A of a radioactive material present at time t is given by the formula A= A__0__e__kt__ where k is the rate of decay and must be negative. The original amount is A__0 __. The first step is to find k for this substance using the known data from 1849 to 1910. For t=1910-1849=61 years._

"It's just a lot of substitution but that's all the help I'll give you," Greg said leaning back in the chair. Ms. Cope chewed her lip and began substituting values for variables. After five minutes she dropped the pencil.

"Sit with me and tell me if I'm doing this right," she beckoned Greg closer. He cautiously sat on the edge of the bed squinting at the paper Ms. Cope had pushed to the far corner of the table. He slid slightly closer to her, slightly uncomfortable with the proximity. She may have been pretty in her own right but that didn't make him sitting on Ms. Cope's hospital bed any less comfortable for Greg. Just the same he solved the problem and began to explain it to her. As he did, he brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes admiring how bright they seemed. It was almost as if they glowed with something. The longer Greg looked at them the more enamored he became.

The peck on her lips was chaste at its induction but she deepened it and situated them both, so that his hands were on her waist in the most innocent way possible. The kissing deepened and leveled out after a point, but both were so engrossed in their personal situation that they didn't realize that Greg was shirtless, straddling Shelley's thighs or that Dr. Williamson had returned with both Mr. Berty and Ashley in tow. She'd been discussing how the new grandparents could help out for the next few months with the former and the neonatal case with the latter.

Mr. Berty cleared his throat, growing continuously more uncomfortable with his 21 year old son kissing one of his coworkers. Greg didn't hear his father but he did hear Juliana murmuring to Ashley in soft French. He glanced at the women's raised brows and disapproving looks then down to his bare chest, quickly pulling his shirt back on and deftly standing though he teetered from the suddenness as he did so. "If you two are quite finished I think it'd be best if you gentlemen left. This is an exam room not a playroom," Juliana's tone was that of someone who was trying to relieve trauma with laughter. Ashley closed her lips as she and Juliana moved into the room to let the men out. The exam was brief and cursory. Juliana concluded that Ms. Cope's pelvic pain was a result of her recent appendectomy so she prescribed a mild painkiller to help with it, discharging her hastily with instructions to return if the pain continued once she'd finished the whole dosage.

Once Ms. Cope was out of earshot Juliana let out a raucous disturbed chuckle.

"He wrote his number on the paper," Ashley laughed loudly speaking more to herself than Juliana.

"I don't think Mr. Berty will ever be able to look her in the face again."

"I won't be able to either. My brother's a sophomore and he told me at dinner on Sunday that Greg's coming to the school to assist with English and Math classes until they let out for Thanksgiving. He'll see her every day."

"Who are we talking about?"Rachel asked as she and Sue approached.

"I saw that," Jamie said quietly walking up with Zora and Nessie, all three straight out of the OR.

"Greg Berty was on Ms. Cope's bed shirtless straddling her thighs, while they made out, with the door open," Juliana breathed.

"His father stood in front of the bed to get their attention but he only realized when he heard us speaking in the doorway," Ashley added as K and Cate approached.

"Quite the way to start a morning huh?"Cate mused.

"Weirdest thing you've ever seen that's not even remotely pedophilia?"Ashley asked the older women.

"Daniel Tierney came in with sympathetic pregnancy symptoms at two in the morning. They called me to run CTs," K said.

"It was weird because he swore up and down that he wasn't around pregnant women at all but there was something in there and no evidence that it was a baby or even an ovary," Cate sighed.


End file.
